Guns For Tards
Executive Board of Directors
Our board of directors boasts a think tank made up of some of the most brilliant mind from all walks of life. From disbarred attorneys, disgraced former radio hosts and educators who have been run out of academia.
Gerard F. Murtha - President & Director
Gerard Murtha is a disbarred former Defense Attorney based in St. Petersberg, FL. He is one of the original founders and benefactors of the Guns For Tards citizen's action movement.
When asked about his disbarment, Mr. Murtha only insists that the details surrounding the fiasco have been misreported and that the "victim" in question was "much older than they said in the papers."
Fake Alex Jones - Media Relations Director
Not to be confused with the real Alex Jones. Fake Alex Jones is the main spokesperson for Guns For Tards, in addition to handling our media relations.
Fake Alex Jones can be reached on Twitter: @fakeinfowars
Alcoholic, Iconoclast...unemployed. A lot can be said about one of the benefactors and original founders of Guns For Tards. The grandson of IRA Members, Mersh emigrated to the US in the mid 1980s and settled in NY where he pursued many passions, most of them to no success.
Mersh can be reached on Twitter: @mersh
Sheik Admir Al-Akbar - Fundraiser
We'll admit that we do not know very much about the mysterious Sheik. We're honestly not entirely sure that he's a Sheik, or a Saudi Prince. None of our contacts in Riyadh have ever heard of him. But he has garbage bags full of money, he holds 11 PHDs from an Afghani University and owns a sizable stake in a large, international conglomerate based in Macedonia* that produces everything from meat and dairy products to soap and tires. We are told they do all of this poorly. The Sheik believes in "Freedom through tyranny" whatever that means.
*UPDATE: In honor of full disclosure, we must inform our supporters that The Sheik's company does own a subsidiary based in Eastern Europe that produces inexpensive firearms. We at Guns For Tards assure you we have NO dealings with "Sword of God Firearms Inc" or the rebel activity in surrounding Balkan nations.
Venkat Patel - Cyber Security Expert
Hired via Fiverr, Mr. Patel does most of his work remotely from his "high tech cyber fortress" in Hyderabad, India. It's really just a crowded cyber cafe where he also sells "Clash of Clan" gold and MMORPG accounts.
As soon as he gets your phone number or Facebook account, he will pester you for nudes.